Civility in this age of Intemperance

"Aspire to decency. Practice civility toward one another. Admire and emulate ethical behavior wherever you find it. Apply a rigid standard of morality to your lives; and if, periodically, you fail as you surely will adjust your lives, not the standards." - Ted Koppel Seemingly everywhere I look, social media has unleashed an unrestrained tidal wave of the airing of public grievances, misunderstandings and angry rebuttal. As the founder and administrator for the Facebook group Police Authors Seeking Justice, some days the cruel and bitter criticism among people who should conceivably have common goals and values is unrelenting and seems nonsensical.

Interestingly, George Washington wrote out a copy of the 110 Rules of Civility and Decent Behavior in his school book which was completed by the time he was of the age of 16. His exercise in understanding decency originated in late 16th century France and the ideas were popularly circulated during Washington's time and now are regarded as a formative influence in the development of his character. They included guidelines for behavior in “pleasant company,” appropriate actions in formal situations, and general courtesies. Here are some rules exactly as Washington copied them in the 18th century:

Let your Discourse with Men of Business be Short and Comprehensive. Undertake not to Teach your equal in the art himself Proffesses; it Savours of arrogancy. Use no Reproachfull Language against any one neither Curse nor Revile. Be not hasty to believe flying Reports to the Disparag[e]ment of any. Let your Conversation be without Malice or Envy, for 'tis a Sig[n o]f a Tractable and Commendable Nature: And in all Causes of Passion [ad]mit Reason to Govern. Speak not injurious Words neither in Jest nor Earnest Scoff at none although they give Occasion. Detract not from others neither be excessive in Commanding. Think before you Speak pronounce not imperfectly nor bring ou[t] your Words too hastily but orderly & distinctly. Be not apt to relate News if you know not the truth thereof. In Discoursing of things you Have heard Name not your Author always A [Se]cret Discover not.

In Disputes, be not So Desireous to Overcome as not to give Liberty to each one to deliver his Opinion and Submit to the Judgment of the Major Part especially if they are Judges of the Dispute. Speak not Evil of the absent for it is unjust. Labour to keep alive in your Breast that Little Spark of Ce[les]tial fire Called Conscience.

A ‘Civility in America’ survey found 75% of Americans thought incivility had reached crisis levels, and 56% expected it to increase. At a time where our ideological divides often seem daunting and overwhelming, here are some thoughts on how to achieve civility in modern times.

First, we should begin to actively listen to or read others’ ideas and thoughts in an effort to understand their point of view; not just how to reply with any rush to judgment based upon pre-conceived notions, hearsay or incomplete or limited available facts. Consider, is there a possibility you may be wrong? The possibility of admitting you don’t know all the facts and circumstances? The possibility there may be some good or validity in others’ criticism or ideas?

When responding to others, are we practicing politeness and courtesy in behavior or speech? Giving respect is our best chance at gaining respect and garnering some thoughtful attention to our cause or opinions.

When engaging in conversations around difficult topics, the age-old adage “Choose your battles wisely” is appropriate to consider. Is this the best time and/or place for a discussion? Will it help or hurt your standing and will the criticism be constructive? A little self-reflection can go a long way.

Perhaps the best act leading to civility is that of living in gratitude for the smallest moments to the greatest of our blessings, as opposed to what changes we might desire in our perfect world scenario. By increasing our own sense of well-being and happiness through being grateful, we become more resilient and can lift ourselves up along with others. In the final analysis with a commitment to a better tomorrow, something we all should be able to agree upon, we must sometimes simply agree to disagree on how to get there. From this point forward, can you and I look for the good in one another, respect each other’s journey and concentrate on what we are doing to make a difference in the world around us through deeds and not just simply words of discontent? Decency, civility and respect… the time is now.

Joel E. Gordon is a former Field Training Officer with the Baltimore City Police Department and is a past Chief of Police for the city of Kingwood, West Virginia. He has also served as vice-chair of a multi-jurisdictional regional narcotics task force. An award winning journalist, he is author of the book Still Seeking Justice: One Officer's Story and founded the Facebook group Police Authors Seeking Justice. Look him up at stillseekingjustice.com