The Man with the Iron Will: An Ex-Cop’s journey- from Addict to Becoming a Savior
/Jeremy Hackman, former drug addict, spent more than eight months at the Blue Vase Recovery Center in Show-Low, Arizona trying to work out the demons that led him to abuse methamphetamines.
“One of my biggest hurdles came from dealing with my counselor,” Hackman told The Blue Magazine.
Hackman’s counselor frequently pushed him to the limit with tough love that often consisted of outright in-your-face aggression.
“It got to a point where my counselor and I almost got into a fist fight — several times!” Hackman recalled.
He said he didn’t realize it then, but the approach was just what he needed to break the cycle. He had to confront his deep-seated trust issues, co-dependency, sexual addiction and longstanding problems with his father, which all contributed to struggles with drug abuse.
But this isn’t a story about Jeremy Hackman. It’s the story of his counselor -- Brock Bevell.
Brock isn’t a graduate of social work or therapy. He’s a graduate of someone who’s been there, someone who knows what drug use is about and the dark world it inhabits. In a stunning tale, he went from the local hero as an effective undercover narcotics officer, to being seriously injured multiple times, to suffering from PTSD, to becoming addicted to opiates, divorce, criminal activity- all to a sober and clean man. Today he fights to change the world by helping one drug addict at a time.
A true tale of redemption.
1984: Three Life Sentences
Brock lived in what most people considered a normal life in Scottsdale, AZ. His family consisted of hard-working blue collar parents with eight children in a modest suburban home. As a child, Brock was unknowingly helping his mother mismanage the family finances.
“My mom handled the money and was super deceptive.” Brock said. “She would notify us, ‘Hey when you get home from school, go right to the mail and hide the mail from your dad.”
That wasn’t the only example of family dysfunction; Brock’s oldest sister is serving three life sentences for murdering three infants in 1989.
Brock recalled a vivid memory, “I remember her chasing us around the house with knives and saying she was going to kill us.” He said.
We’re glad he made it out alive in such an intense family atmosphere.
1997: I Just Killed a Guy
After spending two years in South America on a mission for his church, Brock pursued a career in law enforcement and landed with the Mesa, Arizona, police department. His chain of command soon picked up on his skillset and transferred him to the narcotics division.
Brock’s first major incident involved a felony stop of a vehicle that led police on a chase in cruisers and helicopters. The suspect, driving a bulky 1970s-style pickup truck, was trapped in a cul-de-sac surrounded by police. The only option left for the suspect was to drive through Brock and his partners-which is exactly what he attempted, forcing Brock to shoot him with his department-issued AR-15 twice through the windshield, once in the face.
“I remember I was so mad … I was so frustrated. We pulled him out of the car, and that’s something you can’t unsee. I’m looking down and I just felt pissed off. I was enraged like, who are you dude, why would you be so intoxicated or high to make us kill you. So, I took some offense to it.”
Although Brock managed his way through the interview to return to work, he was never the same person after that incident.
2000: There was My Daughter’s Face
On a hot sunny afternoon in Mesa, Arizona, Brock responded to a call of an unconscious infant. As he hurriedly raced to the home, the parents immediately handed him the child. Brock, certified in CPR quickly rendered aid, all to no avail. The infant was later pronounced dead.
“I just had a baby the same age, so when I initially looked at the baby, there was my daughter’s face.” Brock said.
He sat alone in his cruiser, parked behind a vacant building after the incident. He didn’t want anyone seeing him with his palms pressed against his forehead while his hands shook uncontrollably. Like the shooting, Brock never psychologically processed the incident.
“The next day the sergeant is like how are you Officer Bevell, and I’m like I’m good, I’m fine no problem, but inside I’m buckling.” He continued, “Am I the only dude that goes home and suffers? I can’t sleep, I keep seeing this kid’s face.”
2001: A Drug-Addicted Mother and her Daughter
One of Brock’s informants, a local prostitute, told Brock she knew of a drug-addicted mother who had arranged to sex-traffic her 12-year-old daughter, trading her to a local dealer for drugs.
Brock said he had already begun to hate drug addicts, alcoholics and drunken drivers.
“I developed a bad attitude towards them,” he said.
Brock and his partner staked out the location of the expected exchange, and when the vehicle they were looking for showed up, they pulled the woman over and detained the drug dealer, who arrived by bicycle as expected.
After moments of tense interaction, the woman threw the truck in drive and tried taking off, seriously injuring Brock and his partner in the process.
“She ran my partner and I over,” Brock said. “He was at the front [of the truck], got caught under the tire and [the truck] went over his back. She caught my right foot under the back tire. My foot was stuck, so I broke my ankle. Then I stepped with my left leg to brace myself, and she hit me in the inside of my knee and just blew my knee out.”
The woman put the truck in reverse and got it stuck on a concrete slab, disabling the truck. She was arrested and charged with several offenses, including child endangerment, and sentenced to nine years in prison. The child was sent through the state child protective system.
“This lady has a daughter that she’s willing to prostitute and give to a guy for a substance,” Brock said. “And that for me was really hard to cope with.”
2004: I was Just Playing the Game
After several surgeries and countless physical therapy sessions, Brock reported back to work.
The traumas Brock suffered on the job coupled with the physical pain of recovery led him to opioid pain killers.
“The first time I tasted opiates, I really liked them, actually loved them,” Brock said, “It got me out of pain right away.”
The opiates helped Brock cope with daily life on the job.
In 2004, he was forced to medically retire from police work. But he continued to chase the thrill that police work used to provide. He turned to a deviant lifestyle of chasing women even though he was still married, trying to fill the void of a lack of personal excitement.
The couple divorced in 2009, further spiraling him into a dark place.
While Brock relied on opiates to dull the physical pain, the psychological pain was still unprocessed, and he began collecting large quantities of prescription pills.
“I had three different doctors that I’d go to. I changed prescriptions — the dosage. I was just playing the game.” Brock said.
He would give the excess pills to a friend who had a steady stream of clients looking to score some dope.
Things eventually came to a head when Brock hit rock bottom.
2009: You’re Living in a Crack House, Dude
His life became nothing but a soul-sucking hustle to get more prescription drugs.
One morning in 2009, Brock opened up his bathroom medicine cabinet and noticed his massive collection of prescription bottles — all neatly labeled and organized by type, strength and quantity. He caught a reflection of his bedroom in a nearby mirror. There was garbage strewn about — an endless sea of fast-food wrappers, soda bottles and whatever else a single man with no direction or hope would leave around.
“When I shut the cabinet there was a glimpse,” Brock said. “I see the reflection from the mirror into my bedroom, and I’m like, ‘You’re living in a crack house, dude.”
In a fit of frustration and anger, Brock opened all the prescription bottles and dumped every single pill into the toilet and flushed them.
He immediately wondered if carefully weaning himself off opiates might have been a better course of action. But it was too late.
He had just refilled his prescriptions, so there was no turning back. He couldn’t just refill his supply. Detox had begun.
After alienating his wife and kids and lacking reliable, responsible friends, Brock had to withdraw from 10 years of opioid addiction alone with no preparation or plan.
“It was the worst pain I’ve ever gone through and the most bottom and lonely I’ve ever felt,” he said. “You get so sick, you can only pee and crap yourself so many times, you can only throw up so much. You’re throwing up so violently you feel like your bones are going to break.”
After seven days of sleepless nights and excruciatingly painful days, he started to recover. That was the beginning of a new life.
2016: I’m Making Up for It
After getting clean, he found a normal, office-style job. He was, and still is, living a clean, healthy lifestyle trying to rebuild everything he destroyed, including patching up the relationship with his children.
“I’m definitely not as close as a dad should be [right now] because I’m working backward,” he said. “I’m making up for it.”
Since 2015, he has been helping people like Jeremy Hackman overcome their demons by implementing tough-love techniques such as getting in people’s faces if necessary, and ensuring a lasting recovery. Brock’s “fight fire with fire” style has proved effective, but it’s only one weapon in his arsenal.
“Addiction is so strong, and I have to find the emotional component. I have to approach every situation with equal but opposite energy,” he said.
Brock says at every turn, he could’ve lost everything and ended up dead or in jail. Now he will spend the rest of his life finding and helping people overcome their addiction.
If you find yourself needing help and want to learn more about his recovery programs and wish to reach out to Brock, go to his website www.chasethevase.com for more information.
Writer Eddie Molina is the author of A Beginner’s Guide to Leadership, available on Amazon and his website, www.eddiemolina.com
