THE REALITY OF MANHOOD AND STRESS: Put Down your pride
/THE REALITY OF MANHOOD AND STRESS: Put Down your pride
By: Deon Joseph
I’m an old-school man, one who once believed that people who claimed to be stressed were somehow weak. I saw a guy at the gym who looked like he had a lot on his mind. I asked him to spot me on the bench press. He did. When I was done I asked him “Are you good?” He put his hands on his hips and said “Not really.”
We started talking a bit and he told me some issues he was having with his son and wife.
His stressors were affecting him at work and he felt horrible that he was asked to take some time off to get himself together. He was clearly embarrassed and ashamed.
With no real solutions for him, because he did not go into detail about his problems, I drew from personal experience to reach him.
I told him the story of when my mother-in-law passed away. How I had just bought a house at the time. How broken my wife was and how I was now taking care of two families on a single income as my wife stopped going to work.
I was one of the most competent officers on the police force prior to that. I ended up at a new division called Newton. It was a run and gun division. I reveled in the challenge, until tragedy struck.
Between worries about my wife taking her own life and making ends meet, I began breaking down from the weight of it all, but my pride would not allow me to acknowledge it.
In the streets I did some downright stupid and sometimes dangerous things that I would never have done prior to the tragedy.
I could not broadcast or remember where I was on during investigative stops. I would get lost responding to calls for service. I even got lost one night going home. I’d misplace documents. Write the same reports twice, forgetting my partner had already written it.
Yet my pride would not allow me to quit. It was foolish. It got so bad that one day my supervisor brought me in to the station and told me “Joseph. I have to take you out of the field. Clearly you have to get your personal life in order. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
I was offended, but as I tried to plead my case the thoughts of my wife crumpled on the floor in tears, the memories of overdue car payments and barely making the mortgage. The coming home one day to a man trying to turn off my electricity. Worries about my wife’s family as well all came bubbling up, and in the middle of my rant, tears began falling from my face uncontrollably because I was supposed to be “the rock.” I paused, hung my head and admitted he was right.
I was assigned a desk job for a couple of months. This once-capable officer was now pushing papers. It was during that time I was able to slowly get my house in order, and once again became the cop I knew I was.
But I had to take the time.
To all men, please hear me and ladies as well. At some point, when your stressors are getting the best of you, you must put down your pride and listen to those who see it.
Then if you can, take that time to get yourself right. Yes I’m an alpha male, but I am one who is strong enough to tell you that being stressed is real and nothing to be ashamed of.
The shame comes when you are so prideful that it destroys you and your loved ones. Remember, pride always comes before the fall. To those who see someone struggling at work, or in your personal life, don’t judge them. Reach out.
God bless.
Deon Joseph is a 26 year veteran of law enforcement in Southern California - 23 of those years working in the homeless community to create an environment conducive to change for those in recovery, as a Lead Officer. He’s been recognized for his work locally and nationally, and news stories and documentaries surrounding his work in crime fighting and community relations, featured him. www.deonjoseph.org
