The lost art of developing positive work relationships
/The lost art of developing positive work relationships
By: Ron Camacho, PhD.
Early in my policing career, the leadership principles and philosophies I followed were taken directly from my time in the Army and by studying the great leaders in military history, i.e., Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar, Napoleon, etc. As I moved into different leadership roles outside traditional policing, I was exposed to many management concepts and ideas from the corporate world. One of the most effective lessons I learned outside my time in policing was the value of developing and building relationships. Unfortunately, maintaining and growing relationships is a skill that many law enforcement leaders do not value, embrace or fully understand.
All of us need help; those words also apply to leaders. I have yet to meet a leader who is a master of every facet of leadership, training, or management. That is where relationships come into your leadership “equation.” The ability to reach out and obtain guidance or advice from a trusted confidant is invaluable. It surprises and shocks me when a leader or manager cannot access successful, experienced persons to help them solve issues, develop ideas or manage projects. This is a symptom of the lack of time and effort dedicated to relationship building. Always look for opportunities to build meaningful relationships!
Another mistake leaders make is being overly selective in which relationships they choose to develop. Early in my time as a police executive (the lieutenant and captain ranks), I only concentrated on those work relationships that were fully loyal and aligned with my vision. In other words, if you were on “Team Camacho,” I did everything possible to protect and grow that relationship. However, that was only twenty percent of the organization. This is not an effective or efficient method to lead an agency. To make matters worse, I was the king of “burning bridges.” My default status was to destroy a relationship if major conflicts or disagreements occurred. Due to this bad habit, many of my relationships suffered, and my ability to effectively lead the organization suffered greatly. To this day, I am still mending or rebuilding relationships I broke over ten years ago. Do not be selective in your relationships; build as many relationships as you can. Become the person in your agency with many fruitful relationships.
Finally, many people view relationships as transactional, “If you do this for me, I will do this for you.” Do not follow this line of thinking. Treating relationships as transactional does not build confidence or trust in your interactions with that person. Most transactional relationships are shallow or artificial and often lead to frustration or dissatisfaction when you most need assistance or guidance. Additionally, many people in transactional relationships waste energy “keeping score.” For example, “I helped Jim ten times, and he has not done anything for me,” or “All the hours and effort I spent on helping Jim does not equal the five minutes he spent on my issue.”
Helping others with the mindset or expectation that their aid or advice will be reciprocated is a guaranteed recipe for disappointment. You should cultivate an unselfish attitude when developing relationships. It should not matter if a person can assist you in your endeavors. Your ability to provide support or guidance is an asset to the relationship, resulting in stronger bonds and connections. I believe “karma” exists and have found that the more “good” I push into the world, the greater the blessings that return my way. Much of that “good” revolves around helping those with whom I have established relationships and the new ones I am building.
Additionally, I follow a couple of simple rules to build solid and meaningful relationships:
· Be Honest - False promises and lies will quickly kill a developing relationship.
· Be Committed - If you say you will do a task, do it.
· Practice Empathy - Learn and understand others' points of view. Realize they may not be in the same place as you in their journey to discover empathy.
· Make Time - We are all busy, but you must make time to develop relationships. Setting aside a specific amount of time is sometimes necessary to build and strengthen relationships.
· Prioritize - In certain instances, time is of the essence, and actions must be taken promptly.
· Return the Call or Email - Respect the relationship by returning phone calls and emails in a timely fashion.
· Work on the Relationship - Some relationships must be worked on constantly, but this will be easy if its development is important to you.
· Stay Connected – Relationships need not be exercised daily, weekly or monthly. However, do not let so much time pass before contact is made; check in.
· Have Patience - Good, robust and positive relationships take time to develop. Have patience when developing and building the relationship.
If building relationships is not your forte, but you recognize that you need to develop this vital skill set, here are some additional suggestions:
1) The easiest thing you can do is Google “How to build relationships” and read the articles and other resources you discover in your search.
2) If you are looking for an excellent example of relationship management from modern history, check out the many books written about President and General Dwight D. Eisenhower. Eisenhower’s time as Supreme Allied Commander during WWII was a master class in building and managing effective relationships under stressful circumstances. In Eisenhower’s numerous biographies, there are countless lessons and examples of his ability to successfully manage his relationships with some of the biggest egos of World War II (Patton, Montgomery and Churchill).
3) Finally, Ed McManus created an online course based on his book, Relationship Leadership: How New Leaders Harness the Power of Leading with Relationships. Ed’s course and additional resources can be found at relationshipleadership.net.
I now make it a point to build, strengthen, expand and cherish my relationships. Following the rules I outlined above, my ability to lead effectively has grown exponentially, and I have grown into a leader known for having numerous positive and productive relationships.
Chief Ron Camacho is an accomplished law enforcement executive who spent time as an advisor in Afghanistan and Mexico. He is a graduate of the FBI National Academy, has a master’s in criminal justice from Liberty University, has earned his doctoral degree from the Penn West University,and is the chief of the Chambersburg Pennsylvania Police Department. He is the owner of Camacho Consulting LLC, a leadership and management training company. Camachoconsulting.net
