The Battle for Trust in Retirement
/The Battle for Trust in Retirement
By: Kimberly Stratman
Trust is something I’ve been working on since retiring. For some reason I thought it would just “appear” when I left the job. It’s not a one-time decision or a switch that can be flipped—it’s a process, and a challenging one at that. As a retired first responder, trust doesn’t come easily, but I’ve come to believe that my life will be better with more of it.
The truth is, many things in life have worked out just fine even when I had zero trust in a person or a system. Yet, I occasionally find myself up at night, struggling with situations where my trust has been tested. Recently, I spent a sleepless night wrestling with the possibility of a significant, intentional breakdown in an established system. I found myself consumed by various emotions and beliefs tied to the act of trust. If I do not trust, am I “borrowing trouble” or creating negative energy?
Even after a difficult night, I still believe that my efforts to trust are worthwhile. But I have to be honest—it’s not easy. I struggle with controlling my temper when my trust is abused. Is this intense need to strike back a natural protective response? A sign of immaturity? Ego? Or perhaps it’s heartbreak?
In the first responder world, trust is often viewed as a weakness. If you choose to trust, to stay positive or to believe in others, you’re frequently labeled as naive, clueless or worse. On the other hand, I’ve also seen the alternative—people becoming mean, judgmental and negative. But here’s the thing: adopting a negative attitude doesn’t offer any real protection. Life continues, whether you trust or not.
How much energy do we, as first responders, waste wrapping ourselves, our relationships, our futures, in distrust and ultimately fear?
Sometimes I feel like I have two minds. One part of me recognizes that life can be harsh, unfair and indifferent to our struggles. Yet, there’s another part that still finds joy, that serves others and that acknowledges the deep gratitude I feel for life’s gifts. It’s a delicate balance, and on days like today, it’s hard to hold on to that second mind.
Interestingly, trust is not just an issue for me — it's something many retired first responders continue to wrestle with. I recently posted about this very topic in a private police retirees’ group. The response was surprising and heartening (or disheartening). Retirees shared their experiences both positive and negative. Several older retired officers reached out to me privately, and each one shared a similar struggle. Despite being significantly older, they were working in the ‘60s, ‘70s and early ‘80s, they, too, continue to struggle with trust but recognize its value in their lives. It was comforting to know that this issue isn't just mine alone. A bit sad to acknowledge that the pursuit of trust, even after years of retirement, remains a challenge for many.
Trust doesn’t magically become easier with time, but the need for it doesn’t diminish, either. Even after years in retirement, the emotional and mental struggles that come with trust remain. For many of us, especially those who spent years in environments where trust could be seen as a liability, learning to trust again in this new phase of life is a battle. But despite the rough nights or mornings, I believe trust is worth the effort. It’s not about avoiding hurt or disappointment—it’s about finding peace within myself and continuing to live a life of service and joy, no matter what life throws my way.
An important realization I’ve come to in this journey is that trust is also about reclaiming my own power. Choosing to trust doesn’t make me a victim — it’s quite the opposite. It’s easy to slip into a mindset where we feel betrayed or wronged, especially when our trust has been abused. But I’ve learned that holding on to bitterness only keeps me trapped in a victim mentality. Trust allows me to move forward, to let go of the control I think I need to protect myself, and to embrace life on my terms. It doesn’t mean ignoring the reality that things might go wrong, but it does mean refusing to let those moments define me or my outlook. In retirement, I’m realizing that trust isn’t about being stupid or naïve — it’s about choosing to live with courage and optimism, rather than being bound by fear or resentment.
Trust, even in retirement, is still part of my journey. It may be tough, but it’s necessary for growth and fulfillment, and I’m committed to seeing where it takes me.
Kimberly Stratman retired as a lieutenant from the Dallas Police Department after an exciting and fulfilling 30-year career. She and her law enforcement husband have two grown sons and two dogs that get lots of attention. Kimberly is the owner of To the Point Coach, a Certified Retirement Life Coach and Certified Life Coach service that focuses on first responders. Her goal is to ensure our law enforcement community.
