Turning It All In

Turning It All In
By: Kimberly Stratman

Is my identity really my uniform? The actual uniform? The hat? The badge?

Part of leaving a job, or in my case retiring from the Dallas Police Department, is returning your employer’s property.  Maybe it includes a computer, an ID card, a set of keys or even a vehicle. Some employees might have to give back expensive or high-tech tools. I would imagine many individuals have emotional attachments to the “tools of their trade.” Some items are synonymous with a particular field.

I had to relinquish my pants. (I turned in the exact same size pants I was originally issued 30 years earlier.  Is it awful of me to be pleased about that? After 2 C-sections. They didn’t fit exactly the same, but still). Historically, items in good condition were inventoried and reissued to other officers. I hit the jackpot about 20 years ago when the beautiful Carol Wilson retired.  I was issued all of the pants she turned in!  I know this because her name was written in fancy silver ink script inside each pair. The Quartermaster clerk actually searched the women’s inventory for this identifier. I wore those couple of pairs of pants until they fell apart. It was extremely difficult for women to get pants that actually fit back in the day. And to be honest, they didn’t fit great.  They were somewhat comfortable. I could get in and out of the squadcar and also run while wearing them. Of course, falling down stairs and getting caught on chain-link fences was rough on the pants.

In addition to the pants, I had to turn in everything else, too. This included shirts, jackets, hats, leather wear, ballistic vests, medical kits, radios and weapons. Due to the pandemic, everything except the weapons and radios were thrown into the garbage. Thrown into the garbage while I stood there. That hurt! In a city with major budget shortages, throwing away thousands of dollars of equipment made zero sense. I did retrieve, with permission, some of my leather gear, 2 tourniquet kits and a medical kit, and gave it to some younger officers.

The department made it very simple to turn in my equipment.  All I had to do was gather all my stuff and turn it in. My “check out list” would be signed and I would be done. I would be eligible for my final paycheck.

It took me three trips. I did it in stages. This totally goes against my “get it done” way of living.

My first trip I turned in everything except 1 full uniform and all of my “tools.” I did honestly turn in a bunch of stuff! But I needed my armor in case something big happened.

My second trip, I turned in everything but my pistol and my radio. If you think about it, in a true ****storm, that was all I needed. I had to be prepared.

My last trip to the Quartermaster- I gave back my gun and radio.  That was very difficult. I cried a few tears as I drove away.

At first, I felt weak and foolish for tearing up about handing over an object that I only carried for about three years. (I purchased my original pistol that I carried the first 28 years.) Then I acknowledged that I felt a deep sense of loss. Without any pomp or circumstance, without any celebration, without any select words, I gave up a very important part of my career.(Full disclosure- my SWAT husband was very displeased that I did not purchase my newer pistol.  I think I was more overwhelmed than I realized and did not even think about it.)

I had earned the right to wear and carry each piece of my Dallas Police Department Uniform. 

I had earned the privilege to retire and to turn each piece back to the department.

Kimberly Stratman retired as a Lieutenant from the Dallas Police Department after an exciting and fulfilling 30-year career. She and her husband, an active SWAT officer, have two grown sons and two dogs that get lots of attention. Kimberly is the owner of To the Point Coach, a Certified Retirement Life Coach and Certified Life Coach service that focuses on first responders. Her goal is to ensure our law enforcement community thrives. She can be reached @ tothepointcoach.org