A HILL TO DIE ON
/A HILL TO DIE ON
By: Monica Eaton Crawford
One morning driving into work to report to another day of the police academy, I noticed a pain in my chest, in the middle of my sternum. At the time, the drive to work was around 30-40 minutes and I had plenty of time to have my thoughts to myself at 6 a.m. before the sun came up. That dark drive into work, riddled with anxiety, in fear of another day of being in physical pain with the shoulder injury caused by the same academy.
I knew I had the mental toughness to get through whatever bullshit they wanted to throw at our academy class that day, like making up shit to "smoke" us for (extra running, PT and the like), but each day it got harder and harder to keep that mental toughness. Each day, the emotional stress and the physical pain wore on me.
I spent many mornings in the parking lot, being the first one to arrive, contemplating driving back home and never looking back. I was miserable.
I had zero control over anything going on in my life at the time, other than my sleep. The stress and anxiety limited my appetite and I had the stress shits and night sweats daily. The insane level of physical activity limited my ability to control my own workouts and activity outside work. I did all I could to keep my mental health intact on my off days, but it just wasn't enough down time to recover during those 6 months of hell. But that was only the beginning.
Fast forward to five years later and my mind and body are still paying the price for the chronic stress I endured over a three-and-a-half-year span.
If there's one hill I could die on, it would be advocating for self-care and ongoing mental health care.
I can't tell you all how many conversations I've been having lately with others where the topic of chronic stress, toxic work environment, anxiety and panic attacks comes up. I just had another one at the gym this morning with another female who has never been a first responder. Doesn't matter, though, it can exist in any career and in any work environment.
Looking back at that academy, I honestly don't know if there's anything I could have done differently to mitigate the trauma I endured. I think all of us are tough enough to make it through a 6-month academy stint that is less than pleasurable. It's a big part of training in a first responder field and really just what we do.
But I think this story makes a good argument to look inward in times of high stress and doing what we can to prioritize self-care to not only survive during hard seasons, but to tip the scales back into balance so we are not always enduring chronic stress from one event to the next. We can't live that way long-term. It will literally kill us from the inside out.
So I'll keep dying on this hill to always take a step back and encourage other first responders to put themselves first. To fill your own cup so full you can pour onto others versus draining yourself empty and having nothing left to give.
Here are a few ideas to help you prioritize your own self-care and mental health:
1. Schedule 10-15 minutes each day to have to you. This can be first thing in the morning or right before you go to bed. You can find silence and be present in the moment, read a book, or do any other activity you can find some peace in doing.
2. Journal. Any time of day is great for a mind dump. To get things out on paper that are directly on your mind.
3. Meditate. Meditation helps to bring you to the present moment without thinking forward or behind. I recommend using the Calm app. It will guide you through how to start. (If you'd like a free trial, respond to this email and I can send one over to you.)
4. Go for a walk. Getting outside in nature and in the sunlight has so many great benefits. You're getting in movement, you're getting in vitamins from the sun, and it can be very relaxing.
These are just a few ideas to help get you started. Self-care can look different for everyone, but ultimately it can be anything that relaxes you, gives you joy or gives you peace.
If this resonates with you, I would love to hear from you!
Stay safe out there,
Coach Monica
Monica Eaton Crawford is the owner/ CEO of Five-0 Fierce and Fit which creates online nutrition and fitness programs designed to help female first responders lose fat, gain strength and take back their confidence in 90 days because “your family depends on you to be fit for duty.” Using her six-year Oklahoma law enforcement experience along with her 15-year background in fitness and nutrition she helps female first responders reach their full potential in life and career. Look her up on Instagram @five0.fierce.and.fit.
